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When your friends do things you're no longer able to and the sadness behind your eyes shine through and your best friend had to ask to be there for you and your phone never seems to ring like it use to and the TV makes no sound as you flip through and you lose sight of the goal bc its unattainable and your sick of cowards that won't approach you and the job that pays nothing for stress ensued and you feel like a failure bc falling is what you've become accustom to and your writing is a hobby and not close to being fruitful and the light in your heart has a blown fuse and spirits are the prequel and smoke is the sequel and patience is an act that gets cut after act 2 and tears are too common to be considered useful and parables are used as subterfuge and no. matter. what. you. say. you cant make change without a dollar.

It Ain't Hard Being Single

I want to be a game changer.

Like most.

That feeling of wanting to boast about one you made fall in love is like the best compliment and accomplishment a women can get but not in the – I’m  conniving, so I planned the shit out of this relationship - but in a way that says,

I stayed the same and that was more than enough.

So, its a slap to the ego,

pride and self-esteem when he says simply,

you aren’t what I want.

The panic of thinking clearly.

Images that you now remember differently,

like when he didn't pick up after calling and texting. Wasn't because he was busy.

The gaze in his eyes that faded- after u thought to him, u were still amazing.

fuck the time wasted

you think first,

damn what is it about me?

Whether or not you got the highest self-esteem....

Granted, u may get over it a bit more quickly

but the lost of the one,

results in you pointing the finger to the mirror picking pieces trying to gather the reasons for why it wasn't and the time has come when he decides he doesn’t and  its different

hearts have changed and minds have won.

He's just ready to be done –

so u move to a place where dating equates to wanting more than just hugs and platonic relationship don't exist,

resist to realize that nobody wants you for various reasons that are too complicated to express or they're too afraid to approach you due to fear.

Being single isn't hard, being lonely is

and its challenging and frustrating to think of

what you will become of in the end.

Now I'm too aggressive, too pushy, too thirsty.

Is it so wrong I know what I want and if you're deciding to bullshit or cower behind false bravado faking like u not feeling me when u are.

Man, I just want you to just take ur cool off...for like, 5 minutes.

Making me lose all hope for anyone who’s real and still believes in romance,

making me think damn,

let me think like a man and maybe that would grant me some luck.  

Then realizing I don’t have a dick so how could I accomplish what isn’t innate.

So I double up on romance novels, chick flicks and love poems that take me to a place where I don’t need to deal with reality. It’s sad because soon id rather choose fantasy over whats in front of me. Missing opportunities because I've let the hopelessness take hold of me, giving up on all things mentioned in the same sentence as love, I want to above this emo shit but im human and humans do human shit, I'm not afraid to be honest, hey no one else is doing it. Maybe I'm impatient and maybe I'm just rushing it but its lovely to have someone be your homey, your honey, hold me close, touch me, whisper that you love me, kiss me, console me, know me, it ain’t hard being single it’s hard being lonely.