Shallow Waters

I'm in love with you
Words spoken boldly and beautifully to you
never under my breath for fear that you won't hear me
so, I say it again.
I love you
your face alters in that instant and turns into something different
I can see it. Fear.
cuz when I get this deep,
you swim towards shallow water
because you don't trust that I won't let you drown here
But me...I'm here in the deep in
hoping that hope will float here
coping cuz can't no rope reel me in
choking off tears chased by saltier water,
drowning cuz your hand wasn't there
quickly sinking as if I'm chains locked to a stone
Should have been smarter...
I didn't know that I would be swimming alone.

P.S. Just say I love you too and give me air.

Wanting

I wanted to write you a poem,
The words got in the way.
I wanted to take you home,
I didn't know the way.
I wanted to live with you,
didn't think you'd stay.
I wanted to love you,
but forgot how to fall.
I wanted to keep you,
u left.
....time wasted in regret.

Understatement

Missing you
Has become a full time occupation
with no leave or vacation
I get no sick days or holidays with pay.
I make a living of living in the thoughts of your absence
And I'm lacking
Sleep and concentration
unable to focus on fruitful moments that don't include you
so accustom to you occupying moments in my mind
that there are no longer vacant spaces
but emptiness lingers in different hiding places, like..
your fingertips, that use to speak whispers across my skin
but now just images of hands that mirror my own exist
like lips that remained locked up, kidnapped within mine
but somehow escaped my captivity, leaving it hollow.
but what is a cell without its mate?
like the hypnotic song that fills your eyes
melting me into a melody,
but what of it no lyrics?
like..the cosmic molecular kinetic energy
that has no electricity
I have no power
like stars burning in a sky with no darkness I cant shine
like trees with no roots, I cant grow
like books with no pages, I cant be read
like pens with no ink, I don't write
like letters that don't make words, I'm senseless
rhyme without reason
seasons that don't change
wounds with no pain, I don't feel,
like me without you is surreal,
so to say that I miss you...
is an understatement
with undertones that don't fit, with a meaning that don't exist in this instance
because I miss you, are words, and what bleeds from me are feelings that can't be heard.
Its absurd because as a poet, I'm the cure for a writers block
describing feelings unwritten is my prophecy
but no one could foresee this level of dependency
on three words...that lacked depth...to mean more
so for lack of better words
I miss you.

Dear God

Dear God,
I'm angry.
pain seeps in like a lost anomaly
trapped in a position
catatonic stage of misguided transition
and mad because,
I really feel like you ain't been listening.
I mean,
I've tried all kinds of ways to get you to help me,
I've cried to you in times of solitude,
silently waiting for some serenity that was never granted
granted maybe i needed to speak words to you
Thats what Nana said do.
I did it.
cried out to you for advice on how to fight this depression
stuck in a job that will never allow me to reach my full potential
family is no longer essential
because they got their own issues
I need you, where are you?
but I'm smart enough to not pray for the superficial
so i ask for strength and guidance
but these tears prove my weakness and
i even ask for patience
but all this waiting,
got my mind thinking, i got better things to do
faithless, felt like my faith was of no use to you
i got no proof
people keep saying in due time
well why? why instill in me the constant need to succeed
if all i can do is
go about my day, pray, make moves i think to do and wait on you?

Dear God
I'm afraid.
for feeling this way
because I'm not an ungrateful child
so I know what I owe to you
but like i said I'm angry
and you said to always be honest with you
so that's what I'll do
Here's my truth,
i feel like I've been submitting my will over and over again
and you just took it, glanced through it as if
it were irrelevant
and now I'm wondering
what I can do to cure this lack of loyalty
cuz praying ain't giving me no sense of peace

Dear God,
do you hear me?

Memo

Say what you need to say. Ppl spend time like it was a refund check, next thing you know its gone...

Regret waits patiently for cowards.

Reservations

I made reservations
certain accommodations to make u feel comfy.
Put u above me.
Ur needs were my plump seeds...
sowed u till u grew
Kept u till u knew
tht it was no1 else for me.
Fluffed ur ego,
turned down your bed sheets,
washed ur conceit into self esteem.
And gave u chocolate covered confidence on ur pillows.
Very minty
and yet and still
u still refused to love me.
But had noreservations on making my home urs,
stored ur shit everywhere
Emotionlessness was the gunk on the counter nxt to the toothpaste,
fear of failure collected as dust on the book case,
fear of success smelled of old laundry on the floors,
then the lack of daddy issues ensued and left a dark ring around the tub,
making my home filthy and I was junky
Stressed with the responsiblity of cleanin all this shit up
Piles and piles of dependency
Spilling over like a waterfall but not the beautiful kind
the ugly dangerous tht kills u and is only beautiful when u look at it in a certain way
with bleached stained pupils,
I know you...yea I knew u,
images of majestic magicians and tall faitytales of men who said how they felt while riding horseback or
kisses that gave life or
love tht was always happy in the end,
I knew you like a fool knew his trickster.
I was her, tht fool.
That let u see wht it was like to be loved unconditionally
so vulnerably
w/o reserve
w/no reverence required just reciprocity,
just needed u to love me the way tht I loved u.

My mistake to assume.

Fresh Out

I've hit a drought
fresh outta fucks
can't give none and I'm done
done caring, done sharing, done listening, done fixing, done kissing
done hugging, done loving, done stunting, done taking, done giving
done feeling...hand me the cement blocks and concrete
I'm building this wall and it won't take long because among
the soft and warm hearted
I've departed
to a place so cold and remote
look at the icicles that've made a home on my shoulder
can't get no colder
than this
dismissed all
notions for emotions, I am hopeless,
but not a romantic and granted
thats what you've expected from me but things change
and I can't be the same and be dumb enough to let
another one hurt me
no wounds or scars to show for it
no blood or bruise just excuses
and I won't confuse this
with what the truth is and
the reality is
I'm this way because you didn't care when I did.

Introductions

I have never been great at explanations and I don't think I ever will be. However, I am always willing to try...this is just a blog full of poetry and short stories. I hope you enjoy the ride.