I'm angry.
pain seeps in like a lost anomaly
trapped in a position
catatonic stage of misguided transition
and mad because,
I really feel like you ain't been listening.
I mean,
I've tried all kinds of ways to get you to help me,
I've cried to you in times of solitude,
silently waiting for some serenity that was never granted
granted maybe i needed to speak words to you
Thats what Nana said do.
I did it.
cried out to you for advice on how to fight this depression
stuck in a job that will never allow me to reach my full potential
family is no longer essential
because they got their own issues
I need you, where are you?
but I'm smart enough to not pray for the superficial
so i ask for strength and guidance
but these tears prove my weakness and
i even ask for patience
but all this waiting,
got my mind thinking, i got better things to do
faithless, felt like my faith was of no use to you
i got no proof
people keep saying in due time
well why? why instill in me the constant need to succeed
if all i can do is
go about my day, pray, make moves i think to do and wait on you?
Dear God
I'm afraid.
for feeling this way
because I'm not an ungrateful child
so I know what I owe to you
but like i said I'm angry
and you said to always be honest with you
so that's what I'll do
Here's my truth,
i feel like I've been submitting my will over and over again
and you just took it, glanced through it as if
it were irrelevant
and now I'm wondering
what I can do to cure this lack of loyalty
cuz praying ain't giving me no sense of peace
do you hear me?
1 comment:
Hmmm. That's deep. I don't want to tell you "in due time", but I will say that I believe (from experience) that one day you will understand this period in your life. Remember just that, it's a PERIOD. I, too, have felt like I ask God for little and yet those requests aren't met. However I truly believe, in my case, that God has not given me external things so that I will not be distracted from eternal/internal things.
After a year of feeling like "Ok, God..." I have a peace and assurance in God that I'm sure I would not have, if God had met my (superficial) desires.
He knows what's best for us. He's a caring, righteous, and good God who would never put us in harm (now, we may go through things that hurt, but it's not to harm us, it's to build us and our character).
"When an inventor requires his invention to do something, he demands no more than the ability he built into the invention." (Releasing Your Potential by Myles Munroe, Chapter 5) God created us. He demands no more than what we can handle. How comforting is that? I don't know all that you are going through, but you must be one resilient woman. *smile*
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